A Shopping Cart Fiasco, Pennies, and a Free Joke
Due to a litany of factors, the blog output slowed down these last months. But you and I always knew there would be more words to spew.
I had a shopping cart incident the other day. I pulled into the Hannaford’s (grocery store) parking lot. I usually park in the same region of the spacious lot, and I targeted that area. I found that MY spots were mostly booked up, but there were two spots on the short side of the aisle, not a pull through which I usually target. It would have to do. I quickly swerved in without checking for pedestrians. As I swerved, I saw a shopping cart occupying the middle line of the two spots. A car could not fit in either spot. Adrenaline rushed through my veins. I pulled in as far as I could, put my car in park, opened the door, and moved the cart to the open space on the left. I leapt back in and filled in the last yards of the spot with my car, but in those mere moments I saw an impending tragedy in the corner of my eye. The cart I rescued was aimlessly drifting towards a gold hatchback, and picking up speed as it whirled. Does no good deed go unpunished? I managed to free myself from the shackles of my vehicle and snatched the cart, but it was too late. Despite such an extremely soft and glancing blow to the car, the incident rocked me to the core. I then grabbed the cart, returned it to its indoor stockyard, and bought a ream of sushi and shaving cream (no cart or basket needed).
Old news but Southwest airlines is no longer rolling with their first come first serve seating. What the shit? Of course, in the 10’s of times I have flown as an adult I have avoided booking Southwest like the plague, but now I don’t even have the chance to fight for a seat and I’m pissed about it! Let there be anarchy!
I recently read the first bits of something in the nyt about pennies. I’ll let you look into the meat of the article yourself, which I haven’t done either because it is a massive collection on words about pennies. But the title makes this claim: “America Must Free Itself from the Tyranny of the Penny”. Do you agree? Do you understand the tyranny of the penny? I don’t. Well, in the mega-digestible first paragraph of the article, the author introduces the Perpetual Penny Paradox. What is the Perpetual Penny Paradox? The author explains that it is the situation we have dug ourselves into as a country where we print more pennies to replace the pennies that people acquire and will never spend. Hmm. Yeah, I guess that makes sense. So, here are two veiled questions to the common citizen: Do you use or need pennies to operate a fulfilling and bountiful life? And, do you think the country needs pennies to operate? I bet you don’t think about pennies that much. But maybe now you will. Save the penny!
I gotta be honest, if I am ever handed pennies as change I throw them aimlessly as soon as I leave the store.
Here’s a good one for you. A hotel in Scotland is hiring professional “banter merchants”. No different than walmart greeters hopped up on deer antler spray (steroids). An article from Sky News quotes the wanted ad, "Are you a laugh-a-minute lady? A witty wise guy? A rib-tickling rebel? A banter merchant? A comedian, in other words? Then your dream role may be just a scroll away," the advert says.” This is terrible. Imagine being on vacation anywhere in the world. Some real life cartoon character comes up to you and starts making small talk. You lean in to discern a motive. But there is no motive to this seemingly social and human transaction. It is a business transaction. This person is on the clock. This whole situation sucks. I don’t want to go somewhere only to have an employee tell me how great the place I am really is. I’ll see for myself.
I’d like to learn and know more about road work. I think it is the one constant we have in the world, besides all the other obvious constants. Demand will never dry up. And while I am a big fan of fresh asphalt and fluid traffic patterns, I do hate waiting in road work traffic. But I think it’s just another price we have to pay for a chance to live in Joe Biden’s America.
Who’s in charge of all this road work planning? How do they pick working hours. How do they fashion a list of job priorities? Who’s paying for all of this?
The following is a bit of a crude joke I really hope I am not stealing from someone but it’s probably bad enough that no one cares anyways:
Two young people (gen z strangers) are waiting in line at the DMV to get a new driver’s license and renew their respective registrations. They both recently moved to the state.
“I hate road work.”
“Damn, did you get stuck in that road work traffic?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry. I hate waiting too.”
“Yeah, I accidentally clipped the guy holding the “slow” sign when we finally got moving. But I was watching such a funny Tik Tok. Wait, I’ll send it to you, whats your handle?”
“I don’t have Tik Tok".”
They didn’t speak anymore and both of them had to go get emissions tests on their cars before they could get a new license and register.
I hope everyone has a great post-labor day week. Stay curious.
